Sunday, February 15, 2009

I swear each subsequent book out sucks more and more. First was best, with the Chinese new year break. And then it was 8 plus pm book in and now it's reduced to 5.40pm tomorrow. I'm wistful but oh well.

I don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the way in my NS life I realised that life would never be the same as it was before. Maybe it was during field camp on the 4th day, where after a particularly vigorous (HAHA sounds lame) tekan session we cried when our platoon sergeant sat us down and told us to reflect. And then people cried some more after we got letters from our parents, written and sent to the company and kept specially for field camp. Of course it was all in the plan, to make people cry, and I'm not afraid to admit that I did. Some people will scoff and say if you're a real man you should be in control, and I agree. No it's not soldierly to cry, but soldiers are human too, and that was just a raw moment of humanity. I cried not because I hated NS and that it was going to be my life from now, not because of all the punishment, not wholly because I missed my family and friends. I cried because after 6 years in NPCC, I came to NS jaded and lethargic faced with 2 more years of regimentation. But I guess at that moment I woke up to the fact that just trying to let life in the army pass me by wasn't going to do any good, and I resolved that I wasn't just going to have my time in BMT slide by anymore. I was going to live my life in the army, and I cried because I promised myself that nothing was going to break me no matter what, not any punishment from any officer or if circumstances dictated that I had to do something I hated.

I cried because I missed my friends, the people around me and my old life. But I cried also because it was a part of letting go,of no longer being in denial. Now don't get me wrong, Im not saying I'm not friends with people and that I'm giving everything up for army. I mean that I've come completely to terms with the way things are now, and I'm embracing life as it is, for myself and because I know God wants me to. Some people're in denial, and book outs are times for them to re-become civilians. Me? I'm a soldier now, and weekends are well-earned breaks to catch up with friends and see my parents.

Once you've got the right mindset, I guess NS can get pretty enjoyable. You meet new people, do things that you'll never get to do otherwise and hey, you get stories to tell your kids in future. I mean, it's like 2 years, why waste it by staying at the bottom trying to slack off? I don't like being dirty, as many of my friends will know, but once you get past the inertia of moving out of your comfort zone everything becomes an experience and if I look at it one way I'm being paid to train, so why not get the most out of it yes?

I thank God every day that He sees me through everything and that He allows me to draw strength from Him all the time. It's at times when I'm most uncomfortable that I ask Him for help to persevere, and hey I'm still doing great, so praise the Lord. =)

Anyway Valentine's was pretty good, went out with her and she planned a massage session for both of us! Then we were supposed to go to Sentosa but I wanted to shop and was pretty lazy so we stayed in town. Bought a flower from Mel for her and we had dinner at Wheelock. Pretty good stuff. I'm typing unusually much so I will stop here.

3 more weeks to POP!