What I'd hoped would never happen has come true. I'd always wanted JC to be a new start to everything; what with new friends, new place to go to for school, hell, why not change everything I'd hated? Maybe not my appearance at the start, sure, losing avoirdupois isn't as easy as you think. But the horrible study ethics - well none in fact - I told myself I had to change. I needed and wanted to start paying attention to all lessons, revise my work, hand in stuff on time and all that, basically be a proper student for once.

It all worked, for a short while. Until everything came apart at the seams because the technique for sewing was never there. You don't build good habits and succeed just like that after having none for the past, I don't know, all of your life so far? It didn't help that supposedly good friends would sneer if I took out a book to revise. 'Mugger' they would say, the contempt and derision evident in their expressions. Thanks a lot.

Friday's Chemistry and Math tests were a perfect example of how the past has caught up with me. Ironic, how the things you want to leave behind come right up to you and smack you in the face like that. I've always been horrible at Math, and though I'm supposed to be damn bloody good at Chem, stoichiometry has never been my strong suit, and I know why. See, I'd either slept or stoned through all those lessons in secondary school, and now to put it extremely crudely, the shit has hit the fan and there's now a brilliant mess. I totally flunked both tests.

Now don't mistake my words for signs of depression - I love life too much. But the fact remains that I'm going to be totally screwed if I continue with the same old. I'm now lagging behind in a couple of subjects, of which Physics is something I know zilch about. Those little things I'd told myself I'd do to keep myself organised, like writing down the day's homework in the diary we all have were done for a short while, now forgotten. I'm possibly an ideal experiment in testing whether changes for the better can occur just like that.

Obviously they don't.