Tuesday, February 28, 2006

My guess is that it's been two weeks since my last post. In that time, I've gone to the gym a couple of times, played some Halo 2 on weekends and upped my level to a 27, dabbled a little in A Maths through tuition and failed to hand in my Maths homework. Quite a load of achievements, don't you think?

Anyways. By my own admission, I'm not a very good councillor, in the sense that I always ponteng morning duty, bla bla bla. However, I still KNOW I am one, and there are some common sense things I'd never do in school uniform, like tucking out my shirt etc. After all, it's fine if my own Student Council guys don't think I'm a fine example, but it's another thing if other people in the school think we councillors can be pushed around like a bunch of sissies (even though a ton of the councillors are, and nerds to top off that as well) and that we are a bunch of effing hypocrites. So, whenever I see someone breaking the school rules, I try to ask them to stop. Take for example eating outside the canteen, which isn't allowed since students end up littering the whole school. Today, I stopped a couple of guys from leaving the canteen for the basketball court. All of them complied, but there was this one guy that really pissed me off.

Well, I was standing at the stairwell leading to the basketball court and was on my way up when this Sec3 guy, with his shirt tucked out came down, eating a burger. So, I told him politely to go back up and he was like "I almost eat finish already". I didn't give a shit about his crap argument of course, and insisted he went back up. The bastard then came up to me, glared at me, before making an exaggerated movement to look at my nametag, as if he wanted to get my name so he could get his gang to beat me up or something. Of course the loser pissed me off, and at the time, I so much wanted to shove my nametag at his face. "Take a good look at my name you fucking bastard! What, you think I'm fucking scared of you?!" rofl but of course since I'm a councillor I couldn't do that. So I just stood there politely waiting for him to stop being a retard before getting him to go back up the canteen.

What a loser.

P.S. The class forum's getting pretty lively, I'm happy to say.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Three things to say today.

One. I'm slowly but surely getting sick. How do I know? Well, maybe it's due to the fact that I can't go 20 seconds with out coughing at least 4-5 times. Or maybe it's due to the fact that my nose feels like it's got a plunger stuck into it, and no amount of blowing my nose can get all the snot out. Sorry for the disgusting detail, but that's the way it is. In addition, just now on my way home from school, I suddenly felt chilly. Not because there was a thunderstorm or anything; because a breeze was blowing. WTF? Hmm better take a little better care of myself. What makes this worse is that I'm going with Edmund and Jared to the gym tomorrow, and I'm going to look like an idiot cause I'm sick. "What? You busted out after only 1km on the treadmill?" rofl. Why am I even going to the gym in the first place, you ask? Well let's just say it's a feeble attempt for me to get my disproportioned body into effing shape. Hahas. It's going to need a lot of work, and building any more muscle won't help. It's weight I need to lose.

Two.During Physics practical lesson today, I forgot to bring my flexible curve and my 30cm ruler, part of the "standard operating procedure items" needed. Well it was more that I lost the stuff. Was forced to stay outside with a couple of others, where I managed, in Ms. Goh's abscence from the outside of the lab to borrow a rather mouldy looking flexible curve, but no long ruler. We milled about, thinking of what to do, before requesting to go and buy the stuff we needed, and at that point of time Ms. Goh flung the "excused from class" tag at us and kept up a stream of scolding. Can't say I blame her though. After all, we are in Secondary Four. Never mind that. At the end of the practical, where Ms. Goh checked everyone's work one my one, when it was my turn she told me that at present I was a B3 student, but only because I was lazy. "You have the calibre," she said, "and if you work a little bit harder, you'll get your A1." Of course I was happy when she said that, but unfortunately, I'll have to agree with her on one point: I'm lazy, period. By my own admission, I'd have to say I'm pretty clever (wipe that smug look off your face! hahas), honestly. It's just that I dislike studying, and I can't bring myself to practice Maths, which explains loads on why I'm failing. As for Chemistry, I'm flunking the damn thing 'cause I don't like and understand it, and people fear things they don't understand. Again, I tell myself to work harder, but will it work?

Three. I just found out yesterday that I'm to be the parade commander for the parade during the Secondary One camp. Thought it was a bit of a joke, since Ying Jie and Andy were like grinning when they told me this, but looks like it's official. Not that I'm scared or anything, I'm just saying. It's not that I'm not interested or anything, it's just that I don't look as good in full uniform as I'd like to be.

Aaand, there's a bloody Geography class test tomorrow. *sigh*

Monday, February 20, 2006

Playing games online, you'll always get to see the best and worst of people. It's the same with Halo 2; played it a couple of days ago and met some assholes that really pissed me off.

Another Singaporean player and I were playing a team slayer match, and since it's a 4v4 game, we had 2 people added to our team. Germans. Now I haven't got anything against anyone of any nationality, but these two guys were really losers, which meant that my team lost of course, which doesn't really matter since it's just a single match in a game, but what made them get on my nerves was that they had attitude problems. Like I said, it's a just a game, nothing to get angry about, right? But hell, those two were lame.

Here's one example of them being lame.

We both see an enemy, I kill the guy with a couple of shots from my gun, he's just spamming his bullets all over the place.


Just so you know, LuminousRAM is my Gamertag. As you can see, the idiot couldn't even get his pronunciation right and there he was telling people off. But what pissed me off wasn't the fact that he didn't get my GT right, it was that is was a freaking team game! Who the hell cares who gets the kill as long as we win? I was like, "In case you didn't noticed, we're LOSING, and this is a TEAM game, so it doesn't matter who gets the kill?" And the guy went bitching to his other German friend about some crap or another. Like I said, I've nothing against Germans, it was just these two. Why'd he have to call people a bitch for no reason? And the fact was that he had the lowest score was was a uber noob. It's people like these we meet online that give gaming a bad name.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Today, February the 18th was the big day; the day of the NPCC Campcraft Competition, held once every 2 years by NPCC HQ. Today was the prelims. The competition this year marked a departure from previous CC Competitions as in addition of a flagstaff,instead of a tent, we were required to pitch up a gadget and a shelter, subject to our own creativity within 10 minutes. So we've been training for a couple of months now with our designs, with me, Zi Xian and Yi Cong as part of the flagstaff team, me being the bottom lasher and flagbearer, Yi Cong being the top lasher and tyer of the clove hitches and ZX the pegger and S-whipper. The rest of the 6 people in the team did the gadget and shelter. We've trained hard and thankfully, the efforts of my team are likely to pay off.

I woke up this morning at 5am, took a quick shower, got changed at went to school, where we had a final practice pitch for our two teams. We then set off for the Police Academy at Thomson Road. The moment we reached the place, we had to run over to the drill shed from the parade square, some 400m plus? as the stupid bus driver drove in a big bloody circle, causing us to be late for registration.

Fast forward 10 minutes or so. My team was to be the first to pitch. We were led over to our lot, where we stood there waiting for the judges to arrive. After they did, there was a one-minute equipment check before the horn was blown for us to start our pitch. Not going to say much, just that 10 minutes later, we had a complete pitch with pretty high standard. Not perfect, but I'd say quite good, and I'm not being complacent. My only gripe with our flagstaff was the placement of one of the pegs.

After our pitch, we waited for like half an hour for the judges to mark, while we sat there doing nothing >.< Sheesh. After everything was done, bla bla bla, we were led out, with people asking us to show that our pockets were empty and everything. Anyways, we waited around for another one hour or so for our second team to pitch. Not too good, unfortunately. Not going to say anything else.

Left PA at about 1pm and rushed home before going off to church at about 2.30 or so. Was supposed to be there at 2 to do planning for the combined session, but lucky for me they hadn't started anything yet.

Dunno what else to say, there's probably more but I'm just lazy.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Only 2 more days to the Campcraft Competition! Unfortunately, I'm not going to be in top form for it. We had a continuation of our NAPFA Test during PE today, and I did my sit-up and sit and reach stations today, as well as a retest of my standing broad jump station, the results of the previous record I wasn't too happy with. On the good side, I managed to do 60 situps in one minute, 42cm for sit and reach and 215cam for my standing broad jump, which still sucks but is an improvement over the previous 208. On the bad side, I strained my stomach muscles (I will refrain from the use of the word "pectorals", since one might be led to think I have six pack abs while in actual fact I am far from it). Stomach muscles, you ask? What the hell do they have to do with my form for CC Competition? Well the problem is, I'm the bottom lasher for our flagstaff, meaning that my lashing tied unto the 2 spars of the flagstaff has to be very tight, and the thing is, I require the use of my stomach muscles to help me pull the lashing tight. No, not by clenching the rope using my stomach muscles and pulling with them, but rather, since the lashing is done in a squatting position with my right knee on the ground, I would need those muscles to assist me in pulling the lashing. Now whenever I pull, my stomach muscles hurt, and I've just found out that sneezing causes my stomach muscles to hurt like hell. I hope my condition's going to improve, but it's unlikely, since my muscles are probably going to get inflamed and hurt even more. What shitty luck.

On a side note, I am now absolutely lagging behind in terms of my studies. I failed my A Maths Base Test, don't know crap about differentiation and still have a TON of homework overdue. I'm so screwed, but I'll have to buck up anyways.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Bought 2 new albums this week; Nickelback's All the Right Reasons and Yellowcard's Lights and Sounds. Both are pretty good, but I like Yellowcard better cause their album cover is really cool =P. But what's crap is that Yellowcard's album has copyright protection, which means I can't put the songs I like into my mp3 player =(. Sure, I'm against piracy and all, I don't download, I don't borrow CDs from my friends (I don't lend CDs either), but I do wish I could have all my fave songs in one player. I do understand their, and the predicament of many others bands though. If only piracy never existed.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

It's been a hell of a week, with tests every day for five days straight. There has been one highlight though: during religious and moral eduaction lesson this week, where all the Catholic boys gather to have religious education while the others have moral education, we were graced with a visit from a priest (can't remember his name) from the Capuchin Franciscan Friars. Another once in a lifetime experience, I guess. Anyway I'm not such a holy guy or anything, but he was simply delightful, telling us things like how he was once compared to Obi-wan Kenobi, before taking out a figure clad in frair robes, whom he called "Brother Juniper". He went on to tell us things like what it means to love, that happiness was through the way of Jesus and all. One thing that I found to be really meaningful was how he took a piece of paper, cut something in a shape which he called the "rocket ship to happiness" before opening the paper such that it formed a shape of a cross. Maybe later I'll post a photo of the paper, which I kept. Not going to elaborate any further, and I dunno if I'm making any sense, but if you're interested ask me personally and I'll tell you. Anyway throughout the whole session, Wei Wen was damn rude, making idiotic noises and sarcastic remarks. Was really irritated by him. If you're not interested, shut up instead of disturbing others who are. Trying to be funny when he wasn't, in a chapel, no less. Again, I'm not what you will describe as a religious person but his lack of respect irked me.

I'm happy to say that I'm starting to enjoy Campcraft training again, and with competition just this Saturday, I'd better damn well be.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Seriously, this whole week totally sucks. First off, there's a damn test every day of the week. Yesterday it was Biology, which I studied pretty hard for but ended up with not enough time to finish the paper, and that totally sucked in itself. Today it was Physics. I probably can pass but should've studied harder to get a better grade, which sucks as well. Tomorrow is Geography, which I haven't even smelled yet though it's already 9pm and the day after I have A Maths, which I definitely will fail, since I don't have a damn idea about permutation and combination. The shitty week ends with Chemistry on Friday, which I'm going to fail as well. All this, coupled with my profound ability of procrastinating (I in fact still have Maths homework that was due today to do. Seriously I'm screwed.) ensures that life will be hell this week for me.

Truth is, I'm spread out too thin. I'm trying to do too many things at once, and this problem probably wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been delaying stuff so it all accumulated and the shit all hit the fan together. What with all the campcraft training and NPCC stuff, it'll be a miracle if I can pull through. I wouldn't miss activity for the world, but sometimes it's just crappy. I've got CC training tomorrow, which means I'll no longer be able to study for my Maths test much, which ensures a 100% fail grade.

How am I feeling about all this? I am feeling 1) Frustrated 2) Stressed out 3) Tired from the late nights 4) Still feeling sad from the things that happened before this. And it being 9pm now doesn't help an effing bit. I'm sleepy, but I just gotta study. Well, better get on with it then.

P.S. Jasper's birthday is tomorrow.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Only 3 more days to February the 8th. It's to be Jasper's 16th birthday. I really miss him; he was my best friend, but I guess I'll never know. I still remember all the times we had together since primary school, good and bad. I'll always remember them.

It's been about 4 months now since Jasper's anniversary. His death came as an absolute shock to me; in fact the impact never really hit me till the day of his funeral, when I finally realised fully that he would never come back again.

You know, I was probably the last of his friends to talk to him before he passed on. We all knew that someday he would leave us, but the both of us talked about his illness as if it were simply a problem which could be overcame. That day, I received an sms from him, saying that he was having breathing difficulties and that he was going to hospital. I only received it later in the afternoon. I panicked and called his handphone, only to have his sister pick up, telling me that he wasn't able to pick up the phone. Later on, he called me and we had a very short talk, him telling me that he'd had difficulty breathing and was now is hospital, saying that it was a nimothorax problem, going on to explain to me that it was probably the same thing that Wei Kang had a problem with. Of course I was relieved that he seemed okay, and I will always remember his voice.

The next morning during recess in school, Chee Qiong came over to me, telling me that Jasper had passed on. I couldn't accept it at the time, I wasn't sad. Somewhere in my heart I held on to the belief that it was just a rumour, that it wasn't true. Not my best friend. I went over to the table where Wei Kang was, telling him about it, hoping that anyone who heard me would reassure me by saying it wasn't true. But it was, and I wouldn't accept it.

For the next few days, I suppressed my grief, never thinking about him, pushing him to the back of my mind, until the day of his funeral, where I sat alone and could take no more. I broke down and cried. I tried not to let anyone see me. My grief was personal.

A few months on, I've been visiting Jasper's old blog, rereading a couple of times his very last post. Of his pain, of his happy times, and found, to my surprise that his other friends have been tagging to each other all the while. Today I finally left him a tag. Maybe he'll read it.

Today is February the 5th. Happy birthday, Jasper. I'll always remember and miss you.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

A wound that has been opened can be healed; a bone broken, mended. But a spirit that has been broken will never be the same again.

My spirit was battered today. For the first time since Jasper's funeral, I really cried. I cried because I was sad, because we were misunderstood, accused one time too many for something that is not our fault, because my love for the unit has been questioned one time too many, and too harshly this time. How can anyone even dare to say that I do not love the unit? For 4 years, I have given it my all, and even at the end of the day, when the journey's almost ended, I am still questioned about my motives? The truth is, I have none.

Maybe we were wrong. No, we weren't wrong. We were tired; we felt that doing one more try would not help matters, would not help us improve, but I agree that we should not have given in to our tiredness. We should have persevered, but we wanted to be truthful. Well, I've learnt that sometimes, it's better to act than tell the truth. Honesty has gotten me into trouble too many times. If that is so, why then is it still pursued? I thought I was doing the right thing, telling the truth, but sometimes the consequences are not worth it.

Battered, my spirit is, as it was 2 years ago, but never broken. I hope my spirit will never get broken. I love the unit too much for that. But what if one day, I suddenly find that my spirit can no longer withstand the strain? When I find that the passion has been replaced by lethargy, by apathy? That is my single greatest fear. It must never come to that. I cannot allow it.

Like a piece of metal that has been hammered till it is out of shape, my spirit can bend, but it will not break. It will never break, but can I bend it back into shape? Will it ever be the same as before?

P.S. Sorry if you don't understand any of this. This post is just for me to vent my pent up feelings.