Hello.

Failed my combined humanities. I don't know what happened with social studies; lack of time played a big part in killing my marks too. Bloody fuck.

Phone's working again =D.


Got back a couple of results today. Chemistry was up first. Got an A1 this time around, amazingly, but unfortunately my prelim 1 results pulled the 1 down to a damned A2. I failed prelim 1 cause I didn't touch the subject at all. Though a D7 to an A1 with an overall A2 is supposed to be very good, I'm not happy because a 2 is still a damned 2. If only I'd gotten a higher A1 this time around by studying harder, or if only I hadn't screwed up prelim 1. No sense crying over spilt milk though.

When the teacher announced that I'd gotten an A2, the whole class, incuding myself was pretty stunned, because I was never considered to be good in anything except English. There were whisperings that I'd been studying tons, studying in secret and all which I found rather amusing. One classmate added that I'd only always "pretended to be noob" in studying.

But the thing they don't realise is, I've never ever claimed to be a tour-de-force in terms of results. And, no I haven't been closet studying. Why do some retards think I do that? Let me set the record straight here. I am NOT a bloody study freak. I detest studying. If I study, I won't hesitate to say it. The only reason why I've never attained really good results is because I never studied enough. So STFU if you scored worse than me even though you studied really hard and thus hate me for it, because I didn't practice all those bloody ten year series and other schools' papers like you did. I'm not trying to offend anyone here, just those who are jealous and whisper behind my back about my supposed studying.

You want the truth about my study methods? Fine. I'll tell you. I only got all my concepts right for Chemistry two days before the exam, all right? Now lay off, thank you. I totally dislike people whose whole life seems to revolve around results. They're always talking about theirs and comparing them with others'. Totally gets my goat. THE EXAM'S OVER, SO SHUT UP ABOUT IT. Why and how some people can talk about Secondary Three results even now is out of my league of comprehension.

A Maths was obviously horrible. F9. It's so bad it's hilarious. E Math wasn't so bad - a B4. Was a B3 but again Prelim 1 pulled me down. Practice in Maths makes perfect, and I didn't do much of it. English was screwed up; only a B3. Now I could go about bitching about how I think the marking was unfair and how I totally disagree with the summary marking, as well as how I didn't have time for situational writing, but I'm not going to. Only good thing that came out from English was that I topped the level for composition writing - 26/30 marks. But looks like I'll have to renege on my promise to type the almost-thousand word essay out as it seems like we don't get paper one back.

I'll need an A1 or A2 for Biology, but it seems like it's going to be hard. Combined Humanities is a goner tomorrow, my guess is a C6. Add that all up and I might still be able to make 20 points for L1R5, but whether I can or want to go to a JC for the first 3 months remains to be seen.


Still, I'd like to thank God for helping me with everything, for all the results, good or bad. I'd like to reiterate the fact that I'm no religious nut, but I'd promised I'd thank Him.

Just some random fun fact: My handphone line got disconnected. So don't sms or call me as I can't reply to any of it.

Okay. Not really random, and not so fun after all. But it is fact. The thing got disconnected because my mom didn't pay the bill or something. She did already, so it'll come back on soon.

Back to school tomorrow. A feeling of dread haunts me.

Spent the entire day out, but don't think it was a total waste of time, because I learnt a couple of things today:

1) Kuishinbo serves fantastic food. For a price.

2) Learnt how to properly unwrap a sushi handroll wrapped in plastic.

2) The Toys R Us at Suntec sells loads of crap that'd be fun to have when I was a kid (except that Xbox 360 which is still fun to have)

3) I suck at using the Carbine or AK-47 in CS.

4) Singapore Dreaming is not a bad movie?


Well okay so I didn't really "learn" in that sense, more like experienced. So the above basically sums up what I did today - lunch at Kuishinbo, LAN and catching a movie. The "Toys R Us" part was just a small period where me and Aaron went into it to have a look-see.




What you're looking at is the masterpiece green tea ice-cream I created during lunch (minus the hand in the background). It was a buffet by the way, and there was loads of good food. Needless to say, I stuffed myself with tons of it. Didn't eat breakfast beforehand and didn't have dinner afterwards as I was still so full. One step back in my bid to lose weight.

Cost incurred: $24.60 *ka-ching*


Strolled around for a little bit with the rest, and then we went to to play LAN (again) for a couple of hours. I don't like knife-fights in CS. Boring. Played a round of dota, which was laggy as hell (the computer basically lagged like some game on a 28.8k modem when there were more than 8 units on screen or when the retard doombringer used his stupid flame ability), and then a couple of rounds of Unreal Tournament.

Cost incurred: $4.60 *ka-ching*


Went to the arcade for a little bit after that. Mostly watched the others play.

Cost incurred: $1.50 *ka-ching*


Wanted to play pool, but the guy in charge kept bitching about the need for I/Cs even though we were (almost) all already 16. Went to HMV to see if they had any copies of The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus's album. No luck, originally wanted to request for them to import a copy for me, but Aaron told me about someplace else where I could probably get it cheaper, so I didn't. Ended up going to J8 to watch Singapore Dreaming.

Cost incurred: Popcorn, drink and snacks - about $6
Movie ticket - $7.00 *ka-ching*


Bought a new soccer ball at J8.

Cost incurred: $23.00 *ka-ching*


Went back on the same bus as Ker Yu. Saw Miss Mennon. Haha.


My old foot injury is hurting like hell now.


P.S. If you want to know how much I spent in total, I'm not going to do the math for you.

My music addiction is far exceeding the depth of my pockets, I fear. Buying 2 CDs in 3 days is no joke. And I still want to buy another album. 60 bucks in 2 weeks? Ouch. The things that I do for good music. Sigh.

And no, I don't download, thank you very much. I don't borrow or lend CDs to and from people, either. You might think I'm selfish, but it's not that; it's just a personal principle of mine as I respect intellectual property. I'll gladly lend you anything else, get you something for free, and I don't ask for payment back if you ask me to lend you a bit of money, but lending CDs for people to rip is off limits, sorry. I always make it a point to apologise profusely about it, because I feel a little bad. People always come up and tell me, "Piracy is overrated", "Who cares about IP" etc, and they say that I alone won't make any difference since I'm one in a million, and I agree. But the thing is, it's really not about making a difference or changing the world. It's just my personal stand and I hope you'll respect it.

Thus said, that doesn't diminish the numbers on the price tags of albums these days =P. My wallet is feeling the pinch. And I still want my album.

It's a lazy Saturday afternoon. Hit the gym this morning with Ivan and Jared; brunch after that, before going all the way to Compass Point to get a pair of goalie's gloves. Went there since Hougang Mall sold crap, and Jared lived near the place. The quality of cheaper goalkeeper's gloves and the range available is getting horrible, I swear. Came home and had a nap. Shall play some Halo after this. Why the hell am I reiterating what I did today and what I'm going to do like some mindless regugitating zombie? Hmm.

Went for LAN yesterday. Played for 3-4+ hours? A ton of people went, and it was fun. Played a whole plethora of games; CS Source, 1.6, Half life 2, Team Fortress and Opposing Force (nostalgic, aren't we?)

Also got back Physics results. Can't say I'm anywhere near happy, more toward 'bloody-fking-pissed' on the 'YAY-I'M-SO-HAPPY/bloody-fking-pissed' scale, higher than the 'disappointed' level on the scale. I practically gave away my entire section B marks. Not reading the questions right totally screwed me up.

There's nobody online that I want to talk to, and I need to pee, so I'll sign off now.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. So close, I can't wait. Once tomorrow's exam is over, it's marathon gaming and soccer for me. It's been too long since I last played Halo 2. Too long. Back to studying, but this time at a leisurely pace a couple of days after this temporary solace.

Getting back Physics paper tomorrow. I'm not going to let any bad results dampen my spirits. Seems like a lot of people did badly. I'm probably one of them. But, play hard and enjoy, right? It's LAN gaming, Halo-ing and soccer tomorrow, a trip to the gym on Saturday followed by more gaming and perhaps more soccer, buffet lunch at Kushinbo and maybe pool and a movie on Monday.

I can almost taste the fresh air of respite from exams already. T_T

Am so going to flunk A Maths. Unless there's a moderation of 30+ marks, of course, which is about as likely as seeing a pig fly in Antarctica on February 31st.


失败乃成功之母。

Or, failure is the stepping stone to success. My whole life, in my entire sixteen years of existence, I have never really applied this. When it came to Maths, whenever I failed, that was it. Sometimes I would tell myself, "I need to work harder from now on", but it never happened, partly because it was never ingrained in me to study hard, partly because my determination would waver, partly because there was no real need for any other subjects except Maths. Even this time around, I finished studying each subject only the day before the exam, starting only a couple of days before that. I'm not like everyone else, I can't bring myself to pore over volumes of ten-year series or practice stacks of past exam papers. I have never done that, and never really needed to.

Now when I look back, I realise that the reason why my determination wavered was because I wouldn't commit myself to working hard. I didn't put it down in black and white, never engraved the words in stone. I'm a person whom nobody understands; a contradictory character. Those who proclaim to understand me don't. How can they when even I don't understand myself fully? I know who I am, but sometimes even I am puzzled by the shades of grey I exhibit. Most of the time people only see a veneer. A facade I created because....well I don't know. Circumstances dictated it. And when people see this veneer sometimes they don't like it, but how can I tell them that it's not who I really am? Sometimes, there are sporadic emergences of my real self, but not all the time.

If your impression of me is that I am loud and shallow-minded, then you are wrong. That is the side of me that surfaced in the environment I am in, a need to blend in. No, I am not like that. I know more than you think. I know it if you do not like me - I can see it in your eyes. I read people like a book. Take for example my form teacher. Those looks of condescension she gives some of her students. She feels guilt for it, and sometimes makes the effort to be nicer, but it happens all the same. Others don't see it. I do.

Funny, isn't it? How a post on my flunking the math paper came to this? People are such strange creatures, and I am stranger still. Some people think that I am a confident young man, and yes one side of me is. But the other side is a shy, diffident character that when appears, makes people think I am cold and not sociable. What, do you think I like standing in a corner at some party, feeling alone? I am a person of conflicting character. I hate being alone, but at the same time my social circle does not coincide with one whose personality is extroverted. Thus, my loyalty is unwavering to my small circle of friends, and when theirs isn't to me, I feel betrayed. Funny, isn't it?

One of the people that came closest to breaking through the veneer was Jasper. He was my best friend, maybe I wasn't his, I'll never know. Nonetheless, I knew our friendship was one that could have lasted a lifetime. It was just one of those bonds that are strong enough to carry you through life. I will never know because Jasper passed away on this very day, the twentieth of September last year. Rest in peace, my friend.

They say that youth is wasted on the young. People always look back and think, "Oh, if only I'd done that in the past, life would be so much better". You know what I think? I say, let youth be wasted on the young. It is the time to make mistakes, to be free, to screw up. It's totally fine as long as you learn from your wrongs. But see, the problem with me was I never learned. And I've realised that I can no longer afford to be insouciant about my life. I need to steer my own course for myself and the ones who care about me.


"Real revolution begins at learning. If you're not angry, you're not paying attention"

- Tim McGrath from the band Rise Against

Physics practical today is a goner. How I managed to get 20+cm for my len's focal length, I'll never know. I would also like to reiterate the fact that tomorrow's A Maths test will be a farce for me. Miracles just don't happen when it comes to studies, you need to be prepared and I'm not.

It seems that the details for the Cadet Inspector course in December are out, but none of the officers have told me anything. I reckon they will after prelims. The only thing I don't like about becoming a CI is the course itself. 21 days spent relearning things I can teach is absolutely not amusing. Oh, and it clashes with the Standard Chartered Marathon as well. Damn. But sacrifices have to made, and I will make them. Need to buff up before then =D. Lose the 5kg I was talking about. Easier said than done, but believe me, I will do it.

It is now 8.20pm (I do seem to be stating what time it is very often now, another annoying habit I shall have to kick), and I have effectively resigned myself to an absymal grade once again in A Maths.

Second post of the day! I seem rather free, don't I? I'm having Physics practical tomorrow so I don't really have to slave my arse off studying. A Maths paper 2 is on Wednesday, Chemistry Practical on Thursday, E Maths paper 1, which is the final paper is on Friday. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Ah, sweet saccharine bliss. NOT. Because the light at the end of the tunnel turns out to be....the damn lamp lighting up another tunnel to the O levels.

Finally got my hands on Breaking Benjamin's (relatively) new album, Phobia. First listened to one of their songs two years ago, before anyone knew about them. Sadly they're becoming more and more mainstream. Oh well. It was the same with Panic! At the Disco too. Nevermind. There're still many other bands that nobody's discovered =)

It's only 10.36pm and my eyes feel like they're going to pop out of their sockets. Exams definitely have a negative impact on me; I binge eat, I have weird sleeping habits (sleep early at night but still need to take afternoon naps) and I keep playing the football game I have on my mobile phone. Looks like I've got my work cut out for me after prelims. I need to lose 5kg more, straighten up my screwed body clock and get a life.

Just some totally random quote from I-don't-remember-where:

"For 'Tis only in their dreams, that men truly be free."

Obviously A Maths was screwed. It was bad. Not because the paper was hard; I knew it was easy, but not knowing how to do most of it didn't help one bit. A C6 seems miles off - maybe I'll scrape it, maybe I won't. Maybe tomorrow the sky falls and I won't have to worry about it anymore, but until it happens, I need to work hard.

I don't believe I've said this before, but my target for O levels now: 9 points. Without A Maths of course, or I'd attain the 9 points with just the subject.

English: A1 - it's a must, it'd be a disgrace if I didn't since I've been topping the level for the past 2 years

Biology: A1 - need to mug really hard

Physics: A1 - need to broaden my understanding

Chemistry: A1 - screw chemical calculations

E Maths: B3 - good enough for me

Combined Humanities: B4 - Now that is going to be hard




Whoops. Looks like I've overshot. Both MOE's and my own targets. Not good. MOE predicts I'll get 10 points at least with my 249 PSLE T-Score. I'll be lucky to get within 15 at the rate I'm going now, methinks.


1 month left. I'm going to, for the first time in my life, start studying properly. God, help me to overcome my dislike for studying. Amen.

I'm a goner for A Maths paper tomorrow. I'm praying really hard I'll get a C6 pass.

Prelims are a total screwup. I don't think there're any A1s in it for me. I was caught by surprise when the exams came; like a deer that freezes in a car's headlights, the ensuing collision is catastrophic. I can't let it happen again for the O levels.

Spent the whole entire day in fruitless abandon. In terms of studying I accomplished zilch. Shan't elaborate much about what I did today, except that it involved games of 'catching' with friends, filming of a couple of lame but absolutely funny videos and running in the rain.

Shan't say anymore now. Maybe in the next post.

Meanwhile, here's a taste of what I filmed today. This one was done a year back, so basically what I did today was a continuation episode.




The future of gaming is here

I totally hate it when people send me rubbish chain mails.

Mails with interesting stories are fine and all, but I especially dislike it (notice I'm mincing my words) when mails ending with "send this to xxx people or else blahblahblah" are sent to me.

First of all, people who compose such emails are just complete wankers with nothing better to do. Sometimes the rubbish in the email is mildly interesting, other times you get bullshit sob stories that threaten at the end to make sure you remain celibate forever whether you like it or not. Sometimes the 'threats' are worse.

Take this particularly malevolent email for example, which I received from a 'friend'. "Friend" because I don't understand why people would wish ill on others they know. Fear, perhaps.

The email was some crap about how to know if you're haunted. Obviously the person who created the email is a retard since he/ she can't even spell, but what was most poignant and touching about it all were the 'real life accounts' of people who failed to forward the email to others. Apparently one person who didn't forward the mail had her mother screw a dog, while another had his house totally emptied with only a 'package of blood' left in the closet. I mean, get a fking life, loser. If you want to tell the world how gormless you are by showcasing your bullshit skills, which aren't even good anyway, fine. But attempt to coerce people into forwarding your nonsense by giving bullshit threats of a curse and you've crossed the line.

This shit totally pisses me off. And what's worse it that there are idiots forwarding such crap because they're afraid that something bad really will happen to them.

1) Better safe than sorry, right? Fking wrong, so you'd rather curse other people then, would you?

2)No brainer that such crap was made up. Why the hell would you even send such crap to

others? Makes you a wanker just like the guy who composed the crap.

I really hate it when people even bother forwarding such bullshit, because it shows that they're just paranoid, and if there really were such curses, they'd rather have it done to others than themselves. PATHETIC.

I wouldn't even bother. Click 'delete' and it's out of sight, out of mind forever. But for some reason there are idiots in this world who constantly remind me of such rubbish by forwarding these mails to me again.

Note to self: Don't study and use the computer at the same time again. It only ends up in using the computer and not studying. Tch.

11.15pm and I've still got 5 chapters to go! Shitshitshitshit. Helium nuclides and electromagenetic induction do not go well with blog-surfing.

It's about 10.05pm right now. As I type this, there's still a quarter of Physics revision left to be done. The prognosis isn't good; looks like I'll have to burn the midnight oil once again. I hate exams. I could argue and bullshit about how exams are a necessary evil (true, yes) and all in an exposition, but that still doesn't change anything about my dislike for examinations.

Had Biology Practical today. Didn't go too well - screwed up one whole question out of the three.

Dragging my arse off to study now.

Countdown to Secondary Four Pure Biology Prelim 2 Paper: Approximately 8 hours. I still have chapter or so to cover, but I think I'll wake up a little earlier tomorrow to scan through it.

Today's and yesterday's revision plan went horribly wrong. Was supposed to start on Physics and Chemistry, but there was just too much to cover for Biology. Well I hope it all goes well tomorrow. Let's see how my 3 days of Biology studying fares against others' 3 months.

2 more days to go and I'm still in the thick of Biology. Gosh, there's just so much. And for the record, it's the first time I'm actually reading some of the chapters ever, since I never listened much to some of the lessons. Hopefully I don't fail, because what I'm trying to do with the subject now is to bring it up from an F9 or D7 which I think I'll get up to a B4.

Haven't touched Physics, got 80% of Chemistry left to go. There's this love/hate relationship I have with people who've finished studying long ago and are going through their subjects for the umpteenth time. On one hand I admire them for being able to do so, on the other I despise people who study non-stop for more than 7 hours a day. That's particularly insane, in my opinion, and the time used could be better spent playing soccer, gaming, reading etc. I don't like such people because their ultimate target is succeeding in the paper chase, while mine is totally different. A clash of ideals, perhaps.

Need to finish Biology today. Tomorrow I'll have to start on my Chemistry. Totally forgot electrolysis.

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times."DO YOU HEAR THAT?""What?""Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. 33. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

HAHA. Priceless.

Things are looking up for me in terms of revision. Chemistry tuition tonight was fruitful, the first in a fairly long time. Managed to regain (and maybe even add on a bit to) my understanding of stoichiometry, and I covered the Binomial Theorem today. Not fantastic, but it's definitely a start. That's not to say I'll get good grades or anything, I'm just saying that revision is progressing better.

I must admit, I was feeling really upset in the past few weeks. Remember when I kept saying I was screwed for revision and all? Well at the time I really felt it. Slightly depressed? Yes. Suicidal? Definitely not, but suffice to say I was fairly down. Angry outbursts, mood swings and all. Didn't show it much, but it was there. Am I still totally screwed for revision? Hell yeah. Am I still depressed? Nope. Haha.

Funny thing though, because incidentally, I felt better after the Shine Jesus Shine rally? There was a prayover by Father Pereira, you see. If you're a skeptic and don't believe in such stuff, I'm not saying anything, just that it seems too much of a coincidence, yes? You might argue that I'm no longer that upset because I subconsciously told myself that I'd straighten up. You're entitled to your own opinion, of course, but I believe that God helped me along.

Of course, not feeling down helps a ton, but that doesn't solve the problem of still having 90% of revision to go.

Anyway, came across a couple 'studying' at my void deck just now. 'Studying' because the girl was basically fawning over the guy and the guy was totally enjoying it. Seems the only studying the girl did was to run her hands through her boyfriend's hair. In front of my block lifts.

I'll let you decide once again. Inappropriate or totally all right?

The Prayer of a Student

Holy Spirit be behind me to support me

In front of me to guide me

Above me to grant me wisdom

Beside me, to hold my hand and walk with me

Within me to help me live life abundantly

And give me all the graces I need

To live and move and breathe

The life of Jesus in me so that

My foundation in life would

be built on the power of

The Word of God flowing from the Scriptures

Dear Blessed Mother, help me to say "Yes"

To God so that I would, like you,

Magnify the Lord

And would proclaim that

"the Almighty has done Great things for me,

Holy is his Name"

S. Pereira CSsR

Just came home from the Shine Jesus Shine rally. Will give details the next time, but I'll let on that it drizzled through the entire rally, but that did nothing to dampen anyone's spirits. It was really good too. Anyway the above prayer was from the prayer card given out. Seems that it really works, so I won't say anything about the few English errors. Haha.

God is awesome!

Had that weird hairstyle again this morning. Didn't bother admiring it this time; Glanced at it then ruffled it up with my hands. I'm so not going to cut my hair till the end of the year if I can help it.

My revision progress is going at a snail's pace. Didn't do anything for the past few days - reckoned it'd be nice to take a break and then start on Monday really proper. So, while others study for at least 7 hours a day since a couple of months ago, I surf the net doing basically nothing or else just stone and stare into space. No really I do that. Haha. Oh, and watch TV as well.

I'm going to take a look at the new Bishan library tomorrow with Yi He and study for a bit. I seem to be unable to study that effectively alone; I get distracted horribly and I get weird negative thoughts on how I'm so bloody screwed. The following basically sums up how I study in a very chilling example:

Me: [opens textbook and reads 1-2 paragraphs] "Whoa, damn sian."

Me: [picks up handphone] "I'm sure it won't hurt if I take a little break, you know. THEN I'll start studying."

Me: [plays games on my handphone] (YES I DO THAT. I HAVE NO LIFE I KNOW.)

Me:*10 minutes later* "I think I'll just go downstairs for a while a read the paper or something."

[Goes downstairs, reads newspapers, uses computer, catches a show on TV if it interests me]



Repeat the process.



Honestly, I do this. Of course not all the time, but it happens often enough for me to know I'll be in trouble if I carry on.

Going for a catechist meeting later on. Maybe for Mass after that. Oh well.

Woke up this morning and found my hair pressed to one side. It had a rather hilarious effect - gave me some punk-rocker hairstyle, albeit without the dyeing and gel. Admired my new hairdo in the bathroom mirror for a minute or two as I brushed my teeth, then splashed water all over it and thrashed it off with my towel.

I have bad hair.