518. Balls.

Monthly shoot's later in the afternoon at 2pm, and I'm slightly nervous that I'll screw up. I dreamt last night I shot a 520+, which didn't make me particularly happy, but at least I had a minimum basic score. As much as you tell yourself not to be nervous, that there's nothing to be scared of, just go in there do your best, ultimately I think it'll still affect you some way or another. There're so many things that could go wrong. My lower back and arms are still strained from the 6km I ran and other stuff I did on Friday so I'll shake, the gun I want to use might have been resighted and I might not be able to sight it back properly under competition circumstances or worse still, it might be taken by someone else already. No use worrying, but I still do anyway. It's not just a matter of getting in the team now; I want to meet my own target, and I simply just can't let someone get the better of me. It's a 30 point gap on a good day, but when I'm stressed who knows?

Stupid GP project is killing me. And I'm the group leader, like what the hell. Should've just let someone else be the leader, cause now I'm swamped with tons of work. I'm PW group leader too.

I've started to revive my gaming habit thanks to Hao Feng. He kept talking about Rainbow Six Vegas the other day and I decided to start playing it on my 360 again. Wah like damn shiok la. Hahaha.

5 more hours to go.

Today was some funny. And Hao Feng's full of the funniest crap, I swear. It's just awesome we're in the same class again. <3

So we had 2 hour break again and this time we decided to go over to Coronation Plaza for lunch. Played games and had lots of fun laughing at Yong Di drinking that rubbish we made as a forfeit. Came back and got caught. Hahaha lucky it was Miss Koh la, she's like one of the nicest teachers. She's telling Miss Lim, my home tutor though, but who cares la.

Ate and ate today. Wahlao eh. Like, after dinner: Apple, coffee bun + coke light, milo + raisin bread. All in their order of consumption. Weird combination, I know.

I think I might've screwed up my life. I don't like my subject combination. Physics is murderous because of all the Math inside, Maths is...well hopeless la. Chem is alright, except for the parts with Maths inside. Should have taken a combination like Econs-Lit-Chem-Maths, maths only cause it's needed.

Got Chinese oral tomorrow. I'm supposed to do up the stuff I'm going to say, memorise it and then talk about it. I'm not even halfway done with doing what I'm going to say. And I feel like sleeping already, so I'm going to soon. Screw chinese la.

I got 10/20 for Maths CA. HAHAHA.

My attitude towards my studies now is quite simply shit. One reason would be the fact that I find it harder to stay awake. You see, for the past 2 or 3 weeks I've been staying awake during lectures only because I added copious amounts of my dad's coffee powder into the Milo or whatever I was drinking in the morning to get some caffeine into my bloodstream. My mom doesn't approve because she thinks it's harmful blablabla, but I didn't really care. It's all good, and it kept me awake because even if I was really tired during lectures I couldn't fall asleep even if I wanted to; I'd just be yawning 234124 times. The problem now is that there isn't any coffee left, cause my mom isn't too happy and my dad didn't buy any more. Like WTH right, why is a 17-year old being restricted on such a stupid thing? On the other hand I guess I can count my blessings because I've never had a curfew, never been beaten and go out whenever I like. Often to lots of nagging, but I still manage to get out anyway.

So now comes a particularly weird dilemma for me. A catch-.22, if you like. Here I have 2 choices during lessons now. One, I can stay awake but not pay attention, instead choosing to talk to my friends and play stupid games like connect 4. The only reason why I probably can stay awake is because my mind is active with all this rubbish. Or I could choose to stone, stone, stone and then fall asleep. Either way I'm screwed. How?


Got a lot of crap to complete la. GPP, GP and some stupid chinese oral thing. And no there wasn't a typo earlier. GPP is Group Project Proposal for project work, and GP is my general paper project. Ugh. I want to sleep la.

You know that sorta high feeling you get when you feel you've done something? And even though it's just something you cobbled up you don't really care? I'm feeling it now cause I've just finished my PI, and it's a bit rough but whatever. It's DONE. Woo.

Maths CA tomorrow is a sure pass. That is if the passing mark is 2/40. Die la first period somemore.

Out the whole day yesterday at NPCC HQ on duty for NPCC Day Parade. 11.30pm-9.30pm+. Was like damn shagged when I went home la.

I went to Borders with Yi He today cause there was this 25% off if you buy 4 or more full-priced items thing going on. Bought 2 books and an Atticus CD which is a 2004 compilation, but still pretty cool anyway. I want more musics. Haha. I'm now broke again, but at least I'm happy-broke, like I got stuff I wanted right?

Eh I'm eating too much again. And getting effing lazy too. Shit la.

If Subway isn't as healthy as it seems, and as sinful as McDonald's as Aggie puts it, then I'm in a shitload of trouble cause I've been eating it every other day. @#$%$#.


Nothing seems to be going right at the moment; today's training was screwed, my studies are a combination of I-don't-know-anything and I-forgot-already, so I'm dead for midyears, I'm rather broke cause I've been spending a lot and my pocket money seems to be getting less and less. Life sucks, so I think I'll just jump. Into bed and sleep. Tired la.

One of the J2s said I looked like a rugger, and aunty agrees too. Think it was cause I was wearing that jersey la.

Jio-ed Alfred to go for a haircut with me today. I can be quite persuasive, heh. I like my new hairstyle, it's the type that you can gel the back up with. So I can look even more like a rugby player, like, I'll be the most pro one there.

Coach: 'Okay everyone get into position!"

Me: "Ehhh coach, how to play ah?"

Haha yes I have no idea whatsoever how to play rugby. Never particularly appealed to me. And I ordered a new old CD. It's new cause I just ordered it, old since it's an album from some time back. Irony is I'm broke.

Need to prepare my full uniform. Think I'll do it tomorrow morning, wake up early lor.




P.S. Ehh Subway is healthy la. Hahaha.

Wah heng sia. Went to take passport photos just now and was horrified to discover that it looked like I had a hair sticking out. I don't know about you, but it'd sure feel crappy to discover you spent 8 bucks on 8 photos which turn out to be rubbish. Muthu was laughing at what he compared to something rather crude, and I was bitching all the way about it. Thankfully I just took the photos out for a closer look and realised that 'hair' was just some speck of something which I managed to remove. Phew.

I want to play volleyball. Haha.

I'm just sad that it was mistaken for being a case of showing off. If I really were bragging then I'd be content with what I have now. I'm obviously not. How naive, thinking everyone else would be happy for me. I just thought I could tell him freely, possibly get advice? But it doesn't matter, I have my goals and I'll still strive on.

Read Muthu's post on everyone being super health-conscious once you go into JC, and I disagree. Nobody really gives a shit if you're healthy except those fitness freaks, we all just want to look good. Correct right? Heh.

What the hell's the use of being able to do 15 pull-ups or 80 situps in a minute if you still look like shit? Gaah.

And the fact that everyone's making effort to go and do something about it, like how I can slack off right? Hao Feng's nuts about running, he seems to enjoy running for 25 minutes every other day. Me? I never liked it. I only do it because I have to. And I'm like starting to slack off already.

Blue moo yesterday was good, but my only regret was downing that damned Oreo shake la. Like one whole week of effort down the drain. Add that to the Hokkien mee and dimsum with Yi He and Muthu and I've got a shitload of calories to burn in addition to what I already need to.

Why is my metabolic rate so crappy?

Sitting down at a table in Bishan library for 2 hours without a jacket is suicide.

I have a ton of work to finish and I'd decided that I wanted to finish some of it off. So I went to the library after training just now to try. Ended up freezing my arse off because for some reason they think people trying to do work want to freeze themselves to death. Stupid centralised air conditioning systems. You can probably guess how much work I did. And that idiotic GP essay's frustrating the hell out of me cause I realised that I wanted to change the entire thing. Now I have to rewrite it. Argh. I've never been so pissed off by GP.

Today's training was....a 536! And I know I can hit 540+, I'm sure of it. One of my series was only 81/100. So yes, next step would be 540.

And I ate Subway again. Hahahaha.

Sistic is idiotic. How hard is it just to get tickets for the Phantom of the Opera musical? Well it's not really Sistic that's screwed, I'm just ranting la.

The first time I went there to get tickets, they said they'd run out of student tickets permanently. I was like 'WTH' cause it's a 30 dollar difference between a student and standard ticket. Fine so I called the rest up, informed them of the change and asked if they still wanted to go, collected extra money, persuaded Wei-Lyn to part with the money, blablabla.

So I went today, armed with the money, wanting to buy those damned $80 dollar tickets. And they said there'd be student tickets, could I please come back tomorrow because that's when those will be released. Shit.

Now I'm not bitching cause I'm paying less or anything, hell 30 bucks is a hell of a good saving to me. Consumer surplus eh. It's just my shitty luck I'm pissed off with. I can't go down tomorrow so Aaron's do it for us. <3 hahaha

And yes ramen was pretty good la.

$%^%$^#$% Chinese period tomorrow.

524. Still a number of stray shots, which would have pushed my score higher if I didn't slip up. It's really true about shooting being a mental sport. It's difficult, having to concentrate and not just fire off for 60 shots, something which I still do ever so often. My next target is 530, something which I'll comfortably be able to achieve if I eliminate all those stray shots and focus more. It's just really hard to do so because there are bound to be lapses in concentration. So it's not in the slightest bit 'comfortable to achieve' at all. After that it's going to get even more difficult. Eliminating all my stray shots means that every shot is at least an 8 or above. To get a score of 535 and above, I'll need to close my cluster even more to having a majority of my shots at 9 points each, which I think is achievable, but will need time. It's currently about 5-7 shots within the nine circle at the moment.

Need to train harder, longer, better. Key to success, I think.


I'm finally going to buy Phantom of the Opera tickets tomorrow. It really sucks that there aren't any more student tickets. $50 would have been a steal. $80 is nowhere near cheap, but it's a once in a lifetime chance, right?

The trouble with letting it drag longer is that is becomes even more awkward later on. I'm just saying it in general about something specific, which probably makes absolutely no sense to you. Heh.

Chinese period is shit la. I've got to sit in front now every Chinese lesson cause the teacher got pissed off with my talking in class, made me stand in a corner today and condemned me right in front from now on. I can't stress enough how much this sucks because Chinese lessons are all about practising pen-spinning techniques (I've almost got another one nailed down, thank you very much) and staying in contact with friends via sms. And talking. Now I can't do any of the three, seeing I'm at the teacher's desk. Eh what la, it's not exactly my fault the lesson is boring right, I'm doing my best here by paying some attention and trying to keep it there by sporadically talking to friends, so give me some credit, man. At least I don't sleep in class. Damn it.


I musn't lose sight of my goals and how I'm going to achieve them. Another ambiguous comment about something specific of which I shan't mention =P

Met my target for today. I said I was aiming for 515, I got 512. I didn't count all my best target cards though, just the final 6, of which one I couldn't count because I couldn't read the scores off properly. So I took the one before that. The final 3 weren't particularly good, either. Yes I'm a bit elated I finally broke the 510 mark, albeit it wasn't under competition circumstances. I'm relieved, but in no way content. Still far off from my final target - breaking it up into stages keeps me happy. Haha.

There's a Math test tomorrow. I'll probably fail. Chemistry test on Tuesday. Don't think I'll fail. Physics test on Wednesday. Maybe I'll fail.

Today is:

- One of the few times in my life I have attended the Easter vigil service in Church, which was from 9.30pm till late 12 plus. More than 3 hours, but didn't seem that long though, comparing it with a 1 hour Chinese lesson.

- The first time I've eaten Subway for both lunch and dinner.

- The first time I've run (jogged) 6km straight of my own accord. It'll be one of the very few times I'm going to do it, I only went ahead to see if I could, and to burn off those damn calories from that sundae Matthias decided to buy for me (idiot la!) and four Subway cookies. My timing, of course, is shit. I don't really care, though.

- Was a day which I shot a rubbish score. My target was 515. I shot 500, worse than normal. My gun wasn't sighted properly though, so I'll see how it goes tomorrow.

- Was idiotic because I went with Aaron to buy the Phantom of the Opera tickets, armed with money from those who'd paid me already and with extra to pay for those who hadn't. And they bloody hell told me there were no more student tickets for all the shows through May even?! How many damned students are there in Singapore? Either that or it's some retard who thinks he/she's so arty-farty and decided to watch the musical 123424 times.

- Is Easter Sunday already, seeing how it's 3.08am. Happy Easter!

I've actually bothered to update my Friendster photos. Normally I just leave my profile to rot, because I really can't stand reading all those stupid bulletins about 'Friendster is closing down, so to show that your account is active do this, do that blablabla', and it pisses the hell out of me when I get rubbish like 'your dad will die if you don't send this within 200 seconds'. A perfect example of how far back into idiocy we as a race have degenerated. I don't know why I added photos, really.

It's 1.05 am right now and I'm feeling the fatigue of a whole week of sleeping later than 12am each night, so I'm just going to stop here.

It's just bloody frustrating when you don't seem to be improving, or just so damn slowly when those around you are doing so in leaps and bounds. Of course I'm happy for the others, and yes I did start off much better than them, but it still sucks la.

Endorphins (or more correctly Endomorphines) are endogenous opioid biochemical compounds. They are peptides produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates, and they resemble the opiates in their abilities to produce analgesia and a sense of well-being. In other words, they might work as "natural pain killers." Using drugs may increase the effects of the endorphins.
The term "endorphin" implies a pharmacological activity (analogous to the activity of the corticosteroid category of biochemicals) as opposed to a specific chemical formulation.
The term endorphin rush has been adopted in popular speech to refer to feelings of exhilaration brought on by pain, danger, or other forms of stress,[1] supposedly due to the influence of endorphins. However, this term does not occur in the medical literature.

- Wikipedia


You've probably heard of endorphins. They're what're known as 'feel good hormones', because the long and short of it is that's what they are. They make you feel good, and one of the ways endorphins are supposedly produced is through exercise, which is being debated. No I'm not going to add my opinion on endorphins and contribute to the debate here. My point: Sometimes after I exercise I do feel good, but all it takes is for me to look into the mirror and it's like I'm flushing all those hormones away. Meaning I don't particularly like what I see, to put it mildly, so I'm going to try harder to do something about it.

I'm rather broke now. I wonder why. Okay well actually I don't. I'm just a little disappointed I don't print money.